Confessions of a Bigot

Okay, so I can't sleep and it's time to post a blog and this one has been slow cooking in my mind for a while.

I'm in San Luis Obispo and Adri and I had a really nice time at dinner in the downtown area. A wonderful outdoor restaurant right on a creek, really nice. One thing kept coming up though. It appears that we have found a total Pirate hangout. They are everywhere.

What are Pirates? This is where things get discriminating. You may be familiar with Pirates under their many pseudonyms: Hippies, 'Indie', Granola, etc.

A few words about my stereotypical view of Pirates:

-Pirates wear beards like they are the first to discover facial hair. You know the look, it isn't the clean beard our fathers have, it's the kind Taylor grows or what I look like if I try to grow one for too long. It's kind of dirty and gross.

-This leads nicely into my second point. Pirates look dirty and gross. That's right I said it, it's what we are all thinking. If you look like you haven't showered in weeks, then most of the world believes that you haven't showered in weeks. Dreadlocks are a great example of this. There are some men out there, namely black men, who can have nice clean looking dreadlocks. Pirates have the nappy, blond, knotted dreads that look like animals live in them.

-Pirating is a form of employment all it's own. It is a special club. A club that works at restaurants, boutiques, etc. But come on, everything about their look says one thing, unemployed. Not the version of unemployed that the inner city has, but the kind that says, not only do I not have a job, but I don't even want one. And if I do have one, I don't want you to take me that serious anyways.

-Due to the unemployment factor, Pirates are broke. Don't get me wrong, they don't want to be rich, at least they say they don't. Though, many of us know a Pirate or two who live off their parents money, ahem. Also, I might amend this, I tend to discriminate in a more particular way on this one. I tend to think of Pirates as cheap, which isn't the same as broke. Broke is a state of being, a reality; cheap is a state of mind. Broke doesn't equal Pirate. I feel like I'm writing one of those SAT questions. If all Pirates are Broke. And some Broke are Cheap. Are all Pirates Cheap?

-Smoking Pot is not a job either. And furthermore, smoking cigarettes is not as cool as it sounds. This isn't the 40s, and all the movie stars and Presidents don't do it, oh wait. Anyways, come on. They are freaking cigarettes; this is the truly ironic. Most Pirates are trying to be 'counter culture'. Screw corporate America and all that. But is their anything less counter culture than cigarettes? It is the definition of big business and it is what everyone expects them to do. There is nothing less surprising than when I find out a Pirate smokes. Wow, you really redefined yourself as truly original...cigarettes, I just never saw that one coming, who would have thought, you are such a rebel.

-A comment on Pirate fashion. First up, the man purse or satchel (Isn't that the name of someone's unborn child? I distinctly remember Adri mocking that name as having to do with genetalia). I must have witnessed 4 or 5 couples with matching over the shoulder satchels. Hand made I'm sure. Also hand made, their awesome crocheted hats/beanies. Now again, not that I should say much. I tend to look like I've been frozen in time, in the 90s; and yes, my idea of a thrift store is Costco, Target, or Macy's seasonal sales for my grown-up clothes; but hey, this blog is to judge them not me.

-Petulie Oil. Just awful.

-In the Pirate world of hair, men can look like women and women like men. For guys, you rebel by growing your hair long and treating it like a woman (flat iron anyone? You know who you are and what you did). For women, cut it off and style it like a guy, that will show'em all.

-Pirate music, here is the closest thing I will come to connecting with Pirates. While I can enjoy classic rock, it isn't my inspiration; and reggae is overrated; indie music tends to be something I thoroughly enjoy, and seems to be a staple of Pirates. In fact, I remember a Pedro the Lion concert I went to...total Pirate convention. I looked like a sore thumb standing there in my skate shoes and pullover hoodie. Apparantly, I was the only one in the room who didn't shop at the aforementioned thrift shops. I always felt like the best way to show the world you are counter culture would be to show up to one of those concerts dressed like an inner city black man. Baggie jeans, a huge Kobe jersey that looks like a dress with a XXXXXL white t-shirt on underneath. Maybe a leather, letterman style jacket with the logos of all 30 MLB teams sewn all over it. That would show them what different looks like.

One final word, to my actual Pirate friends, if you still want to be friends. I am sorry if I offended you. It wasn't you. It started thanks to a one-legged man who spent a month in my house over charging me for labor. Followed by a weird dude and his son cutting tile without completing sentences when speaking with me. It all came to a boil when I had dinner tonight in San Luis Obispo and was overwhelmed by the shear volume. I couldn't get Cartman's words out of my mind, "I hate g-d damn hippies". And yes, there was a music festival going on within earshot, playing the likes of Simon & Garfunkel followed by several reggae tunes.

With that, I would like to change my choice to Self-Righteous. Red Bitches.

Next bracket: Biggest One Hit Wonder

While we're hashing out the brackets for the best movies bracket, let's get started on the bracket for the biggest one hit wonders. This post is a chance now for anyone to nominate a song as a one hit wonder or to protest the inclusion of any of the songs mentioned below as a one hit wonders.

The criteria for this bracket are much more specific. We're voting for the song that was the biggest hit (popularity, sales, playtime, how widely known, how long-lived, etc.) AND was the ONLY hit by that artist AND it is a "wonder" as to how the hell this artist or song became so successful. Even a second song that was a minor hit should count against that song being the biggest one hit wonder ever. This one should be easier for everyone to participate in because if you haven't heard of the song it probably wasn't that big of a hit. Thus whether you like the song is not entirely relevant for this bracket other than to confirm that it was a "hit" with you. (This definition is of course up for debate.)

Here are some suggestions. Add your suggestions in the comments. I nominate Brian to pick the sixty-four competitors and their seedings.

Baby Got Back - Sir Mix A Lot
Jump Around - House of Pain
What I Like About You - The Romantics
Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
No Rain - Blind Melon
Take On Me - A Ha
Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnite Runners
Video Killed The Radio Star - The Buggles
Who Let The Dogs Out - Baha Men
Macarena - Los Del Rio
Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor
Jump Jump - Kriss Kross
One Headlight - The Wallflowers
Rapper's Delight - Sugar Hill Gang
Whip It - Devo
I Want Candy - Bow Wow Wow
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Nothing Compares 2U - Sinead O'Connor
I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Stay - Lisa Loeb
Whoomp... There It Is - Tag Team
Informer - Snow
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Proclaimers
Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve
Here It Goes Again - OK Go
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Closing Time - Semisonic
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Who Let The Dogs Out? - Baha Men
Turning Japanese - The Vapors
Puttin' on the Ritz - Taco
Joan Osbourne - One Of Us
Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy
Europe - The Final Countdown
Aqua - Barbie Girl
EMF - Unbelievable
The Cardigans - Lovefool
Lipps, Inc. - Funkytown
Deee-Lite - Groove is in the heart
Flock of Seagulls - I Ran (So Far Away)
Tommy Tutone - 867-5309 / Jenny
Modern English - I Melt with You
Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance
Musical Youth - Pass the Dutchie
Twisted Sister - We’re Not Gonna Take It

First Game in the Rookie League - 11-4 Win!

I love this league. But we do need to split up Kyle Smith and Josh. They're too good.

Whose goal are they attributing to Steve Ellis?

http://www.pointstreak.com/players/players-boxscore.html?gameid=994545

After having spoken with Brian and Ethan, here is how I propose we set the bracket. I think we can come together on 32 movies that we all want in the bracket. From there we should fill some niches like comedy, action, and classic movies. I think that the best of the classic movies (I suggest four) are worth at least discussing. Next, and this is really the part that will make this possible, is that each of us gets four spots in the bottom half of the rankings to put movies that we feel are neglected or that should have been agreed upon but weren't. As examples, Brian will pick his favorite movie Brokeback Mountain, Ethan may pick a movie like the Fountain, and I will likely pick Magnolia, which is my favorite movie. This will add some variety but will make figuring out the top 32 easier because if there is a disagreement, one of us will have to be willing to put as disputed best movie as one of our four wild card spots. Last I have suggested four shout-out spots for movies that are going to be facing the top four movies but might as well be on the list. I am curious to see if we can agree on the Goonies in the top 32.

This is still a rough draft, and is meant mostly to illustrate how we should hash this out.
(In descending order of seeding 1 through 64):

32 movies we three agree on:
Godfather 2
Braveheart
Godfather
Fight Club

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Apocalypse Now
Shawshank Redemption
Tombstone

The Royal Tenenbaums
High Fidelity
Pulp Fiction
Unforgiven

The Lord of the Rings
Last of the Mohicans
Glory
The Good the Bad and the Ugly

Jaws
Reservoir Dogs
The Matrix
Star Wars

Empire Strikes Back
Tron
Blade Runner
Sunshine

...
...
...
...

...
...
...
...
___

8 best comedies

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Life of Brian
Office Space
Anchorman
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Waiting for Guffman
Spinal Tap

Tommy Boy

4 best action movies
Die Hard
True Lies
Terminator 2
Predator

4 Classic Movies
Citizen Kane
Casablanca
Lawrence of Arabia
Ben Hur
___

4 wild card picks by Brian
The Little Mermaid
Brokeback Mountain
Y Tu Mama Tambien
The Devil Wears Prada

4 wild card picks by Ethan
The Fountain
The Planet of the Apes
Major Payne
Red Dawn

4 wild card picks by Taylor
Magnolia
Thank You for Smoking
V for Vendetta

4 shout-out random movies
The Goonies
Napoleon Dynamite
Young Guns
The Money Pit (mostly so we can debate the Godfather versus the Money Pit a la Family Guy.)

A first thought on a best movie ever bracket

Here is a list from the American Film Institute rating the top 100 movies. I doubt that all of these movies will make it onto our top 64 bracket, but anyone that wants to participate should rent some of the classic "best" movies so that any vote made for or against that movie can be based on what you've actually seen and enjoyed rather than what you've heard. I think that there needs to be an honor system for voting on this bracket where you cannot even vote on a match-up if you haven't seen both movies. Really we need to start watching some of these movies and wait a few months before starting the bracket.


1. Citizen Kane (1941)
2. The Godfather (1972)
3. Casablanca (1942)
4. Raging Bull (1980)
5. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
6. Gone with the Wind (1939)
7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
8. Schindler's List (1993)
9. Vertigo (1958)
10. The Wizard of Oz (1939)
11. City Lights (1931)
12. The Searchers (1956)
13. Star Wars (1977)
14. Psycho (1960)
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
16. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
17. The Graduate (1967)
18. The General (1927)
19. On the Waterfront (1954)
20. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
21. Chinatown (1974)
22. Some Like It Hot (1959)
23. The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
24. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
25. To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)
26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
27. High Noon (1952)
28. All About Eve (1950)
29. Double Indemnity (1944)
30. Apocalypse Now (1979)
31. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
32. The Godfather Part II (1974)
33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
35. Annie Hall (1977)
36. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
37. The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
39. Dr. Strangelove (1964)
40. The Sound of Music (1965)
41. King Kong (1933)
42. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
43. Midnight Cowboy (1969)
44. The Philadelphia Sotry (1940)
45. Shane (1953)
46. It Happened One Night (1934)
47. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
48. Rear Window (1954)
49. Intolerance (1916)
50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
51. West Side Story (1961)
52. Taxi Driver (1976)
53. The Deer Hunter (1978)
54. M*a*s*h (1970)
55. North By Northwest (1959)
56. Jaws (1977)
57. Rocky (1976)
58. The Gold Rush (1925)
59. Nashville (1975)
60. Duck Soup (1933)
61. Sullivan's Travels (1958)
62. American Graffiti (1973)
63. Cabaret (1972)
64. Network (1976)
65. The African Queen (1951)
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
68. Unforgiven (1992)
69. Tootsie (1982)
70. A Clockwork Orange (1971)
71. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
72. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
73. Butch Caddidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
74. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
75. In the Heat of the Night (1967)
76. Forrest Gump (1994)
77. All the President's Men (1976)
78. Modern Times (1936)
79. The Wild Bunch (1969)
80. The Apartment (1960)
81. Spartacus (1960)
82. Sunrise (1927)
83. Titanic (1997)
84. Easy Rider (1969)
85. A Night at the Opera (1935)
86. Platoon (1986)
87. 12 Angry Men (1957)
88. Bringing Up Baby (1938)
89. The Sixth Sense (1999)
90. Swing Time (1936)
91. Sophie's Choice (1982)
92. Goodfellas (1990)
93. The French Connection (1971)
94. Pulp Fiction (1994)
95. The Last Picture Show (1971)
96. Do the Right Thing (1989)
97. Blade Runner (1982)
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
99. Toy Story (1995)
100. Ben-Hur (1959)

The American Film Institute asked more than 1,500 members of the film community to pick the 100 best films of all time from a list of 400 movies nominated by the institute. The criteria for inclusion was historical significance, critical recognition and awards, and popularity determined by box-office revenue, syndication, video sale and rental figures. The updated, 10th anniversary edition of the list was released in 2007.

Best. Band. Ever. = Nirvana