Two things I just learned about Franz Ferdinand

1. Their bassist had never played bass before joining the band. I'm looking at you Brian. There is hope.

2. The lead singer is not gay. Or at least he's not as super gay as once thought. He's apparently dating the girl from the Fiery Furnaces. I'm guessing this means that someone else wrote "Michael" which is the second gayest song ever.

Pop quiz for our readership: what is the gayest song ever?

Fantasy Baseball Personalities

1. Christian Bale: A league with too many Christian Bales is sure to end up looking something like Gotham City after the Joker goes on one of his destructive sprees. We're talking a real hothead. The slightest little nitpicky thing might send him into a whirlwind tirade. He might go off on a scathing e-mail rampage simply because you reminded him of an upcoming deadline. He'll press everybody's hot buttons, but on the plus side, this loose cannon is extremely passionate and will do whatever it takes to win. And very often, he does.

Ron Sachs-Pool/Getty Images

So who plays the Barack Obama role in your league?

2. Barack Obama: He always tries to see everyone's point of view. He is the peacemaker in disputes, and he reaches out across the aisle in a spirit of bipartisanship. Ideally, this guy should be your commish. If not, think twice before joining the league. The downside to a league full of such diplomats is that changes rarely get made. Nobody steps up to the plate to offer criticism for fear of stepping on someone's toes.

3. The little engine: He never complains, he just keeps chugging along, always getting his lineup in on time and constantly trying to improve his squad -- even when sitting in the cellar, 50 points out of first. And, as a result, he always finishes in the middle of the pack, with occasional forays into a money position. No maintenance required here as a commish, and you could do a lot worse than have a league full of owners who "think they can." Of course, if you do, you'll simply replay the same season over and over and over on an endless loop.

4. The ninja: Name all the owners in your league. He's the one you either can't remember or struggle to think of. He's also the one who's always in the playoff race until the final week … yet you can't name a single player on his roster. Like a Luis Gonzalez, David Eckstein or Octavio Dotel-type who always ends up having a huge impact on the playoff race … yet, if I asked you to tell me which team they're playing for, you'd struggle to answer that.

5. Fresh meat: He's the guy who has never played fantasy baseball before. He'll draft four catchers and six middle relievers in the first 10 rounds, possibly just because he likes the sound of their names. He'll finish last this season. And next. But he will win a game or two in a head-to-head league by sheer luck. Will he beat you? And can you take the abuse? A butcher shop's worth of fresh meat can be found looking for leaguemates on Internet message boards. Abandon hope, all ye who enter there.

6. Sheldon Cooper: This owner drafted Cliff Lee and Josh Hamilton early in last season's draft (amid chuckles). This owner traded away Victor Martinez for Carlos Quentin "on a hunch" in April of last year. This owner should not be winning the league … but he is. (He's not to be confused with Cecil Cooper, manager of the Houston Astros, who is far less likely to have the same kind of 2009 success.)

7. Doc Brown: "Why don't we all draft umpires and get points for ejections?" This mad scientist will come up with thousands of ridiculous rules ideas throughout the course of the season. Then, when the season's over, the commish will solicit ideas for rules changes, and Doc won't remember a single one of them. But sometimes, in all the madness, there emerges a flux capacitor, and the league's rules do get a welcome addition.

8. Ron Santo: Yes, you always know you can get better than market value in a trade with this homer; he is the type of owner who covets any player from his favorite team. There is nothing better than drafting behind a Cubs fan when you want Ryan Braun and he says, "I'll take Kosuke Fukudome." All together now: "Oh noooooooo!"

9. Lionel Hutz: This attorney wannabe will take advantage of any perceived ambiguity in the league rules. For instance, if the rules stipulate that "the top six teams make the playoffs," he'll argue about what "top" means. Then he'll argue that "make" doesn't necessarily mean "qualify for." He'll drive you nuts! But you'll end up having a league constitution with really clear rules, so he has no loopholes to slip through.

10. The XX factor: This person is, well, a "she." Don't laugh. Having a female owner is the single greatest thing you can do for your league. Why? Before: "Honey, there's another baseball game on? You're not watching that one, too!" After: "Honey, hurry up and finish the dishes; if Zack Greinke strikes out three hitters tonight, Louise's team moves into third place!" Think about it!

Gregg DeGuire/Getty Images

Chuck and Larry believe they're right for each other, but you eventually find out they're not.

11. Chuck and Larry: The guys in this so-called alliance own the team together -- yet each submits different starting lineups to the commissioner. One accepts your trade offer, and the other one vetoes it. Draft night decisions take forever. One says "to-may-to," the other says "to-mah-to." It's a nightmare, to be sure, but it's one you can use to your advantage. After all, if you can get these co-owners fighting with each other, that's one less team to worry about.

12. Sylar: He's pure evil, out for nobody but himself. Everyone in the league wants to send this villain on a one-way ticket to oblivion. He'll claim his lineup was a day late because his power went out -- and you know he's lying, because you're his roommate. He'll propose the following trade: "You have Hanley Ramirez. I have an autographed photo of Chaka from 'Land of the Lost.'" And Mr. Fresh Meat will accept. And the circle of hatred continues. But he'll make an otherwise long season incredibly interesting as you wonder which stunt he'll pull next.

Per ESPN

Irish Car Bombs...

Are good! 

10 of them in one night are bad!

Hockey fight

I am looking forward to the playoffs, where Kyle and I will get another chance to fight. This first fight, which happened a while ago but I only just recently got this photo, was a great learning experience. I learned that you're more stable than you would think because you have the other guy's jersey to hang onto. Also, with some feedback from the bench, I'm going to take more of a windup and go for the dramatic haymaker victory.

End of Season statistics

It has been less than a year since we started playing hockey and I think all our stats from this season have exceeded our expectations for improvement from when we were just starting.

Brian: 19 points: 8 G, 11 A

Taylor: 9 points: 3 G, 6 A

Ethan: 7 points: 4 G, 3 A

Jason: 6 points: 2 G, 4 A

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=EWAL&t=c&s=hockey&p=stats&div=167831&psort=assists#dt_p

And yes, I sorted that by assists so that I would be on the first page, i.e. the top 25 in our bronze league.

The Glory of the Slapshot and Other Meaningless Musings

I feel compelled to say a word regarding the slapshot...and my apparent affinity for it.

But before I speak about the shot directly, I must say a word about myself. You see, to truly understand my obsession with the slapshot, you must understand me.

Since I was a small boy, I have been good at things, lots of things. Not the kind of good that comes from hard work, but rather the kind you are born with and have without any effort. And as any young man learns in his youth, you need to stick to things you are good at in order to avoid being mocked. Thus, I have generally stuck to my strengths, i.e. feats of intelligence, wit, musical talent, being tall, being thin (though this one is fading on me), full head of hair, etc.

You get the point. So as an opposite to the above comments, I have avoided my weaknesses rather well, i.e. feats of strength, athletic prowess, etc. I have dabbled in it, getting to an adequate level in most sports, getting married, and other such examples of me rising from my low level of talent in an impressive way.

So what does this have to do with the slapshot? Well, I am awful at hockey. I go out and embarass myself weekly in an effort to enjoy the sport I love so much, yet I am just terrible. I constantly make mistakes, over-skate situations, fall over, generally misplay the entire shift, things of that sort. Well, I took a few slapshots and discovered that I was getting the hang of them. Now I have noticed that my friends have yet to conquer this feat, even though many haven't even tried...but I don't care. If you get an inch, you have got to grab hold of it. So as a man of many talents, yet lacking any ability in hockey; I have grabbed my inch with fervor (I almost put elan, but felt too many would feel their own weaknesses exposed).

I can do a decent slapshot, and I am committed to improving upon it. I need this you see, it is my one single talent I have shown on the ice, and without it I am lost.

As for the shot itself...what is not to like about a 6'4" man raising his stick to the sky in a menacing manner and unleashing a blast that could literally go any direction after being struck. I have little if any control over the puck, except for the fact it will go forward. So as Ellis can attest, as he had to duck to not get hit in the head; beware if you are in front of me...I will unleash all 40 MPH of my blast upon you (yes NHLers shoot it over 100MPH, but let me have this, it is all I've got).

That is all.